The toddler stage is my favorite so far, the deeper interaction and engagement, the ability to communicate, and the sweet loving silliness as they explore and discover all day long. Then, there’s the tantrums, and a 2 min toddler fit can feel like it lasts an eternity and sometimes you can sense your own emotions start to bubble up. In our household the toddler tantrums have just begun, still nothing too extreme but they are enough to make me count backwards from ten in my head. I have found 5 easy steps to help me deal with toddler tantrums calmly and, most of the time, effectively.

5 Steps to Dealing with the Tantrum

1. Get Face to Face:  Kneel down to your child or pick them up if you have to because dealing with the situation face to face always seems to take the crazy down a notch from the get go. I usually try to take it one step further and Elouise to look me in the eyes. Sometimes its just not going to happen though, so I tend not to push this particular aspect as it can sometimes add to the frustration level. This first step is almost like saying, “I’m with you kid, now lets figure this out together.”
2. Speak Calmly: Unless there’s danger, there’s not need to yell. Yikes, I know I’m going to need to read this about a thousand times as the tantrums get worse, but it’s true. I am all for using a serious and stern voice, but yelling only heightens the emotions in the situation and your toddler is already bringing a boatload of those to the table. Often times, after we’re face to face, speaking her name calmly a few times is all Elouise will need to snap out of her fit.
3. Ask Your Child Why They Are Upset: Let’s be honest, half the time you know the answer already. Wait, you mean you wanted me to give you another snack right before dinner? Big surprise. However monotonous it may seem, this will help your kiddo be emotionally aware and able to explain why they are feeling upset, a really healthy habit to start practicing early on. It also makes you become someone who they feel they can trust when they are upset, which will be crucial through each developmental stage.
4. Offer a Solution: Redirection is key to the toddler years. This is basically offering something else for the child to focus on that will entices them and distract them from their current situation. I’m telling you, if you become a master at redirection it will save you so many headaches and tantrums. Here’s how it might look, “I’m sorry that you’re so hungry, but its almost time to eat dinner, how about you can be my helper in the kitchen?” You may want to offer two or three solutions, it really depends on the child and the circumstances.
5. Know When to Draw the Line: While being a dictator parent will get you nowhere, you do need to establish healthy boundaries with your child. Your goal is to be authoritative, which means that you are in charge, while still showing your child respect and kindness. Your parental role is an important one to protect, and while its healthy to validate feelings and offer options, you have to be prepared to draw the line. If you’ve offered a couple of options and they have been shut down by your toddler, you need to put the grown up hat on and make a decision. At this point, you may utilize consequences that you have created in your home or you may have to start the 5 steps over again. After following the steps above, I have yet to have it get to this point, but check back in about six months and I may be whistling a different tune.

These are simply tools that I have found to be successful based on my experience in the classroom, the knowledge gained while earning my BA in Early Childhood Development, and trial and error with my own daughter. You may need to tweak each step a bit or even throw one or two out the window. All in all, you know your child best.

This Too Shall Pass ( I Hope…)

These steps are typically effective for me, but not always. Believe me, after a particularly rough day I often consider sneaking away to a spa weekend, alone and with lots of chocolate. Still, we have to remember to take these moments for what they are,  teachable moments. These things are natural to be occurring in your toddler and its your job to help guide and shape them into healthy human beings. Now, just because we have an understanding of why our child is misbehaving it doesn’t mean that don’t want to lose your mind when they start screaming in the grocery store. There will be times when you lose your cool, when you say the wrong thing, and when you screw up big time, and apologizing to your kiddo for how you reacted is a great idea for both of you. You know what, in my experience children are the most gracious and forgiving people, and they’ll often meet your apology with sweet smiles and a loving squeeze around the neck, and that just makes it all worth it. Do your best to not be discouraged, because as with most of the tough stuff, these toddler tantrums are just a season.