Our culture is obsessed with the ‘do it yourself’ mentality. The very fact that we can jump online and find a video tutorial, recipe, or blog post explaining how to create exactly what we want just proves my point. I am not hating on the DIY culture as a whole. In fact that would make me a little hypocritical since 90% of my wedding was made up of DIY projects I found on Pinterest. All I’m saying is that somewhere along the way we’ve let this idea of doing things ourselves bleed over into every aspect of our lives and it took me becoming a parent to realize how unhealthy it really is.

I Got This

Brining home my sweet baby girl from the hospital was the most intimidating thing ever. Yet, somehow I also felt like I had never been more innately equipped for anything in my life like I was for motherhood. So, I spent the first few months not wanting to put my baby down, not wanting to share responsibility, and wanting to be able to figure everything out on my own. Once my husband went back to work, I felt like I should be able to do it myself, because thats what every other mom does, right? I had my parents and other family members a short 4 minute drive away and while I was fine meeting for lunch or for a walk, I found myself having a hard time asking for help. Like, can you come hold the baby while I shower (because its been a week) or while I do some laundry (because the piles are taking over the bedroom).  Instead I lived in a reality where greasy hair and twice worn t-shirts were normal.

The first time I ever left Elouise she was almost 5 months old. Yes, thats right, for 5 months I didn’t leave my child for more than a few minutes at a time. Self care was basically non existent and I had told myself that I didn’t do anything for ‘me’ because I couldn’t afford a spa day or a mani pedi like all of my other mama friends. When we pulled out of my in law’s drive way for our very first date after 4 months with baby,  I started to have a mild panic attack. That’s when I realized that maybe some things needed to change. I was blissful but tired, and had started to forget that I had a name that wasn’t ‘mama’.

Village People

It was around the 6 month mark that the phrase ” It takes a village to raise a child” would pop into my mind. Okay, what does that even mean? I didn’t like the idea of pawning off my responsibility and expecting someone else to raise my child. Yet, slowly as I spoke to more mamas, some who had more experience than I did, I began to understand what the phrase really means. We were not created to do things by ourself, in fact we were created to live and thrive in community. We need the village as mamas in order to be the best version of ourselves for our family. That could look like taking time to get out with your girlfriends without kiddos or even leaving you babes at home on a Saturday morning with your husband and doing your grocery shopping alone with a Starbucks in hand.

It goes beyond just getting the help that us mamas so need and deserve. Our kids need the village just as much as we do. They need to spend time with their family members, they need to meet the sweet volunteers in the church nursery, and they need to spend some one on one time with their Daddy. You see, we were created to be in community and that need doesn’t just start as an adult. They need to learn things from people who have skills different than yours, they need to hear stories from people who have different experiences than you, and sometimes they need to have a soda and fast food with their grandparents.

No More DIY for Me

Thats why I don’t want to be the DIY mom. The one who stays up all night hand making party decorations, cupcakes, and favors all by myself the night before the party. I want to be part of a village. A village of people who are mutually working together to help each other be better and do better. I want my children to grow up knowing that even though their mom might be able to help them with their homework, I wont be able to teach them how to change a tire. That’s okay though because someone in our village can. My village is my family, my friends, and the people in my community and I am so grateful that I realized the deep importance they have in my life. As I get ready to bring baby number two into the world, I feel so thankful for this new perspective. Now I know that I don’t have to do it all myself, and you better believe that with a wild toddler and a newborn, I won’t be able to.

So, will you join me starting break down our culture’s expectation of the modern mom to be able to do it all herself?