Being a mom is the scariest thing I’ve ever done. It is certainly not for the faint of heart, and requires you to be brave. Brave, it’s a word that has been on my heart in a deep way since the day I gave birth to Elouise. Yet, even the agonizing pain of pushing 9 pounds and 4 ounces of perfection out of my body with no drugs (that’s a whole other story) isn’t the thing that required the most bravery. No, in fact the thing that requires me to exercise the most bravery began the moment the doctor handed Elouise to me. I will never forget seeing her for the first time, holding her close and looking into her eyes. I knew at that moment that my life was changed and I felt this inexplicable responsibility toward this little person, I want to keep her safe from the world and I don’t ever want to let her down.

I remember pondering this when she was only two months old. I sat in the back seat of our Prius, parked at a lookout in San Fransisco with the Golden Gate Bridge filling up the frame of the windshield while my husband was shooting an engagement session. It was overwhelming, my little baby asleep on my chest, both hands gripped tight to my sweater subconsciously begging me to not put her down, and I didn’t. In fact every time I glanced down at her my eyes welled up because I just felt thankful.

Am I Doing Enough?

Yet somehow this thankfulness I feel as a mama is always accompanied by so many questions. Does her forehead feel a little warm, or am I imagining that? Did we get in enough tummy time today? Am I sure about our decisions on vaccinations? Is she getting enough cognitive stimulation? Should I be working more consistently on letter recognition? The root of all these nagging questions can be summed up into two simple worries. Am I doing enough for her? Could I be doing more? The answer to both, is yes. Yes, I am doing enough and yes I could be doing more.

This is where the mom-bravery kicks in. I have to be brave enough to give each day the best that I have and be okay with the end result as my head hits the pillow. Yet, I find myself with a million choices all day long and now I not only choose for myself but also for a sweet little babe. So maybe some days we spend a little more time out running errands than we do singing songs and reading books. That’s okay, because we’ve gotta get groceries sometime. Other days I might choose to hold her while she sleeps instead of cleaning the bathroom. Eh, one more layer of toilet scum won’t kill us. Yeah, we might be using the all natural disposable diapers instead of the cloth ones I swore we’d use, but if there was any more laundry to do I might go on strike. These are the types of choices as a mama that I have to make bravely.

Where’s My Baby Instruction Manual?

Believe it or not there aren’t any parenting books that can provide you with the perfect instructions that if followed exactly guarantees growing a successful child. There are however, a million guidelines and resources with examples of what has worked for some and what has worked for others. Yet, after reading fifteen different blogs, each with legitimate research to back up their opposing views, it’s really up to me. I choose what’s best for Elouise. This is what makes me thankful for grace. Gods mercies are new every morning, and every new day is a gift with opportunities to succeed and the reality of inevitable failures. So every morning I’ll ask God to make me brave, brave enough to trust that he has equipped me perfectly to be the best mama to Elouise and that’s why he gave her to me. I hope that you will be bold enough to ask Him for that same bravery in whatever you will face today, because He will provide it.